Blogster Proclaims Verdict: Sail! That's an Order

In the interest of time, Judge Herman J. Cahn, let’s just declare the Golden Gate Yacht Club’s challenging certificate under the Deed of Gift for the next America’s Cup - - or for a regatta they’ve invented between just them and the Defender (for who knows what reason) - - as NULL and VOID and USELESS as one of Marilyn Monroe’s bra’s.

Let’s look at the facts, as clearly outlined by Barry R. Ostrager of the esteemed New York law firm of Simpson Thacher & Bartlett LLC.

The Golden Gate Yacht Club’s Challenge includes a flub, a typo, something a law clerk might include who knows nothing of sailing. They accidentally include the word "keel" yacht when they really meant "keel-less" yacht, as in high-speed and high-end and highly expensive catamaran they think they might beat the Cup Defender in.

Next, the Golden Gate Yacht Club has decided, on its own and for NO REASON except its own embarrassing FEAR, to rule out a standard America’s Cup Challenger Elimination Series in favor of a one-on-one sail-off between just two yachts: The Defender (two-time winner Alinghi et all) and (surprise) THEMSELVES (winner of NO America’s Cup). Now, how they came to this conclusion, that they DESERVE to be included in such a regatta, is a total mystery. They were not just eliminated, EARLY ON, in the last America’s Cup Challenger elimination series (AC32 in July last year), they were soundly stomped out, and this was BEFORE even getting to the point to racing against the Alinghi rock stars.

So, look here, judge. What you have is a clear case of one of the losers trying valiantly to “triangulate and reshape” (a trendy phrase used in politics a lot, as in “I knew John F. Kennedy and you’re no John F. Kennedy.”). They clearly intend to truncate the entire America’s Cup debate, and actual on-water (as opposed to in-court) racing, so it all comes down to a GRUDGE MATCH between Titan One, Ernesto Bertarelli (Alinghi) and Titan Two, Larry Ellison (BMW/Oracle - - or maybe just Oracle at this point, since advertisers are running for the exits, but Larry still runs Oracle, so they can’t pull out, unless stockholders revolt.).

A big footnote: This race is NOT supposed to be a grudge match between two teams representing two countries. It’s supposed to be a global regatta open to several teams from several countries, pure and simple, with a run-off between the challenging teams, before tackling the Defender. Not brain surgery, in fact, it’s a system that has worked well since the middle of the 19th century.

Let’s toss this “Golden G.” Certificate, give the Defender the right to properly host a regatta, which it has been trying to do since JULY LAST YEAR, and get this show on the road before there is no more show to be shown, and no spectators to spill beer on the program.

If the Defending “rules” see a bit one-sided or too avant-guard to satisfy everyone, too bad. Win it back and you can set your own agenda. That’s the way this game is played. The winner stacks the deck and works at stomping the competition. The competition design boats that can beat the Defender, and practices and practices until they sail flawlessly to win it away.

Let’s not further complicate the sport by getting into a pissing contest of defining when “is” means “is,” in the unforgotten words of a past U.S. President (whose wife is currently running after his job). Fire the lawyers and dust off the marina slips. We’re going a-sailing once again.

New Year's Resolution: Get on With It!

It’s official. This is the Silly Season, totally.

Let’s review this week’s “excitement:”

First, we have the specter of Larry Ellison’s BMW/Oracle guys trying to defend their challenge against Ernesto Bertarelli and his Alinghi guys in something the Ellison folks described (accidentally, one supposes) as a 90 by 90 foot keelboat. It's like an Indy 500 car with an anchor dragging behind the bumper.

This genie’s out of the spout now and can’t be put back, legally. Don’t they wish now!

Second, while sailors worldwide are pondering this ludicrous-looking “boat” (Mr. Bertarelli’s folks call it a barge, maybe one for King Tut (your blogster’s example)?), the Ellison legal team tries valiantly to back track (front track?) before a no-nonsense New York City judge, who is not amused one bit by these nautical types (he usually only with murderers and con-men, guys and gals whose motivations make perfect sense - - money, greed, sex, drugs and rock & roll). Ellison’s lawyers can’t possibly be sailors, since with a straight face they try to defend this nonsense.

Third, with two races to go, Enersto Bertarelli has been having a lovely time actually RACING in Key West Race Week 2008 in Florida, racing in Farr 40 rocketships. Who cares what place he earns (he’s about 9th right now out of 25+ racers, with a 17th and a 6th, with no first’s, as the first four placers), but it’s a respectable showing in this fleet of hot-doggers and pro’s. And great practice

There’s definitely no “hiding” in these fleets of mostly NEW boats with mostly NEW, IDENTICAL SAILS, and crews from all over the place (there are three Italian boats ahead of Alinghi (“Alingette,” your Blogger calls it), which sports a one-of-a-kind, slick-looking paint job with an unforgettable swirling name starting at the bow, a definite plus and minus if you’re trying to hide in the fleet or not setting yourself up to be blanketed by the local teams.

Farr 40’s, of course, satisfy most wealthy types with short attention spans, requiring a set of new sales ($30,000”) and boat ($347,492, less sails and electronics and windex) at regular intervals, and instant reflexes on the race courses or ka-blewie goes everything including the carbon-fiber rig. For that money you get a boat that actually 40.74 feet long with a hefty 8.53 foot draft (precluding entry in many marina’s worldwide at low tide). They’ve also eliminated running backs and carry no overlapping jib, both the bane of crews worldwide. They do, of course, sport gigantic spinnakers to separate the men from the pretenders. One can even order an oversized, oversized wheel for the truly immense pleasure of steering while resting a chin on the wheel while heading to the downwind mark.

So, that’s it.

Another “Lost Week” in the America’s Cup saga. The New York judge says let’s take a few more days and study sailing technology (obviously, he’s in a bit over his head, but willing to wing it with a little help from international sailing bodies).

Of course, the Bertarelli Defense Team is already talking about future appeals of any ruling going the wrong way, and further legal line-splitting. Yes, let’s keep this going indefinitely until participants reach maturity.

Court Again, Without a Paddle

Yawn.

Ka-ching, in the coffers of the lawyer non-sailors.

Obviously, if you follow the America’s Cup saga at all, you’ve heard (maybe not?) that the Alinghi and America’s Cup Management guys have tossed the ball back to the New York judge and cried: “You didn’t get it. You didn’t understand us guys and the larger issues at stake. You….need to hear it from a local law firm’s aces! We're counter-suing for justice (and because we can)!”

At stake, the usual things: When’s a yacht club a yacht club, who’s the legitimate Challenger of Record, and what-the-hell sort of boats and when-the-hell are they going to get a round to designing, bulding and racing them?

Bulletin:

The magnificant supporting facilities in Valencia, among the big arguments for having the next event there, are slowing dying - - leases are/have expired, the rats are leaving the sinking ship, and the local chamber of commerce is trying to put a positive spin on this high-end, one-use property (only high-end if it hosts an America’s Cup now and then….).

We should know something, finally, this month about the next America’s Cup yacht, be it a barge with keels, or a 300-foot canoe powered by the energy of brass balls clanging together.

As they say on Wall Street: “Wanna hot tip. Buy high and expect to lose everything, unless you happen to win, by some miracle of fate or technology or skill, the usual vilians in all this.”

For the more curious among us: Let’s have our own version of an Iowa Presidential caucus: All in favor of having the next Cup held in New York Harbor, in gold-plated New York Yacht Club Swan 44’s, say: “Aye!”

"Stay tuned."